Sometimes having someone to hold you at night, is holding you back from your dreams.
People have become to comfortable sleeping with the enemy. Sleeping with the one who is keeping you from your purpose, your destiny, your greatness.
Being with the wrong person is a burden to some of you. Leave. So that you can be free to be who you were born to be.
I feel this everyday, the conflict of bring there for others, as i have been for years, or just spending time doing what I love and investing in me.
I haven’t been the easiest person to be around for the past few days because I feel stifled by my life. Not because I’m inundated with work but because I can’t seem to get the work I do have done because of this internal conflict.
And now I’m not being productive at all. I’m moody and angry I’m carrying quite a hefty load of resentment.
Sarah Bessey captured what I’m feeling ever so perfectly. Her insight gives me hope. Not because I have someone paddling with me in my canoe, but because there’s someone upstream who I can catch up with. 🙂
Sometimes I can think that pursuing my calling is selfish. I don’t know where I picked that up – perhaps it’s cultural conditioning, leftover bad theology, or something. On some sub-conscious level, I can feel guilty for taking time to create, for taking time to do the things I love to do, simply because I love to do them.
But the truth is that I start to falter without it. I become frustrated, tired, empty, if I’m not creating something, even if it’s just as simple as a few hundred words a day. I know this but I forget it sometimes. I skip creating in some grand self-sacrificial way but then everyone else ends up missing the best and most whole version of myself altogether. It isn’t until I sit down and do my work again that I return to the rest of my life – homemaking, raising children, community, church, school, marriage, all of it – as my most true self.
The reason so many of us are obsessed with becoming stars is because we are not yet starring in our own lives. The cosmic spotlight isn’t pointed at you, it radiates from within you,
I was on television for most of my childhood and teenage years. I’m what you call a “child star” (not a term I appreciate at all) and though I have spent a greater part of my life with the spotlight on me, it has taken me years to realise that my light comes from within.
I have very recently started investing myself in philanthropic work which has led me to meeting awesome global change agents. Young men and women who spend their lives trying to improve the quality of life that other people experience. We change-agents like to meet and discuss the muddy terrain of the agent life;) and every now and then we have fun together.
On one those fun occasions I saw the internal light that Marrianne speaks of, as a friend of mine (who is also a global change agent) danced. It was as if the light was following her but because this is not a movie, we all know it wasn’t. I was just moved by her ability to dance so freely and with such energy and presence.
As she danced I saw her beauty, joy, courage and in her movement where her vulnerability became her strength. Her confidence allowed me to see her light. I saw her and not the burden of her purpose. I could see her and it moved me, revived me actually. It was transcendent.
It wasn’t just the fact that she was dancing that tugged at my heart it was the realisation that she was all that she could be in that moment, present and unhindered.
It’s easy to believe that people are moved and inspired by what you do but the truth is people are moved by who you are.
Be who you are… that’s where the light will come from.
This piece is an ode to my good friend Amukelani Mayimele a woman who I believe will live to change the world with her light and love. Thank you.
Esau gave up his birthright (purpose/inheritance) for a red lentil stew, after a long day out hunting. (Genesis 25:29-34) He, in that moment believed that feeding his hungry stomach was more important than what God had planned for His life. Had he held on to his birthright, the lineage of Christ could have been born through him. Instead, he chose a lentil stew.
What are you selling your birthright for?
Where are you compromising God’s purpose for your life?
Do not do what Esau did. Rather die with the hunger to please God. Rather die with your purpose tightly clenched in your hands. Don’t swap the glorious purpose God has for you, for fleeting pleasures.
No amount of shoes, club nights, drinks, clothes and even relationships should be swapped for what God has planned for your life.
There are generations awaiting the blessing of God upon your life. #convicted