I cry when I need God to wipe my tears. The pain I carry, sometimes in shame, cannot hinder God’s move in my life, even as I cry.
I wail out to the rock that is higher than I. I let my tears warm my face as His hand would, if only I could feel it.
I breathe in His presence as I breathe out all the burdens and hurts that left me almost breathless.
I remember that as my tears wash away my hurts His burden is still easy as His yolk light.
I find strength in His assured presence.
I find hope in His ability to carry my weak and frail frame. Yes. Watch as His strength is made perfect in my weakness. As I give Him my weary heart He fills me with that overflowing faith.
Watch as He perfects His work in me.
In my tears I surrender my weakness for His strength; Our strength. Yes I am strong. Yes… I am.
I am the tears that who signal the strength of vulnerability. I am the pebble small and mighty.
In my tears I have found the freedom of believing in a God who sees my surrendered heart, and declares that it is well. As my faith is perfected… It is well.
I cry. And it is well.
”You don’t need to hang Judas, Judas hangs himself.” Dharius Daniels
I have been feeling rather low this week. I’ve been feeling like fighting someone or something or like I am ready for a fight all the time. It’s part frustration and part helplessness. Sometimes I just feel like I give it my all and yet I still fall short. But that’s the thing about God. Nothing we do ever falls short. Judas was always up to no good, undercover. He was stealing from the disciples stash, and he did worst by selling out Jesus.
Let’s take a minute to consider this. Jesus was the greatest minister and intercessor of ALL time. He was and still is 100% God whilst being 100% man; with one word from His lips Judas would have been no more. He would have been dead. He would have been forgotten. But that’s the lesson. He didn’t. He didn’t fight Judas, He ministered to him and let him be. And Judas took care of himself.
Let’s ask God for discernment this week, so that we know who the Judas’ are, not so that we can obsess about their presence and existence but so that we patiently minister to them even when they continue to choose destruction.
But more so let us ask for the courage it takes to trust God with each Judas, so that we are not caught fighting the battles that the Lord has already won for us.
May you find peace knowing that even with Judas and his ill intentions, God’s will was still made manifest. So even with the enemy, his best shot will still not keep you from being all that God has destined. And his demise is guaranteed.
Our Father in heaven is not an umpire who is trying to count us out. He is not a competitor who is trying to outsmart us. He is not a prosecutor who is trying to convict us.
He is a Loving Father who wants our happiness and eternal progress and everlasting opportunity and glorious accomplishment, and who will help us all He can if we will but give him, in our lives, the opportunity to do so with obedience and humility and faith and patience.
God help us to live to have his help, that these things which he has in store for his children, all of whom we are, may be ours.”
(Richard L. Evans, General Conference, October 1956)
To be chosen as the Beloved of God is something radically different. Instead of excluding others, it includes others. Instead of rejecting others as less valuable, it accepts others in their own uniqueness. It is not a competitive, but a compassionate choice. Our minds have great difficulty in coming to grips with such a reality. Maybe our minds will never understand it. Perhaps it is only our hearts that can accomplish this. Every time we hear about ‘chosen people’, ‘chosen talents’, or ‘chosen friends’, we almost automatically start thinking about elites and find ourselves not far from feelings of jealousy, anger, or resentment. Not seldom has the perception of others as being chosen led to aggression, violence, and war.
Henri J.M. Nouwen,
May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, And pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones And allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.
Forgiveness is a heavy road. It’s also a lonely road.
“It’s a decision you have to make by yourself, and not just for others, but also for you.”
Now, I have heard this being said in many ways and by many people. At times, I too have experienced snippets of this wisdom in my own life…I am however, finding it extraordinarily difficult to do so at the moment.
I always let myself get worked up about things I cannot change. And now here I sit with writers block and whole lot of anger. Most of it misplaced and exaggerated over time. My pride won’t let me back down, so I won’t even see reason. At what point in this journey will God step in? Maybe He is already here… Maybe He has always been here. Waiting.
Maybe my level of unforgiveness is the reason I am not seeing God move and change situations in my life. The very pride that consumes me and hinders me from being reasonable might be the very reason I see very little good in my situation.
As I child, I suffered a great deal from depression. My self esteem kept plummeting over the years. I didn’t feel worthy of people’s love and I would over-compensate so that they could stay in my life.
I did however have a relationship that I held in high regard and that was my relationship with my father. He was my hero. As a teen however, I met another side of my father that crushed my self esteem even more. I wondered constantly if I would ever be worthy of love.
This question spoke deeply in the decisions that I would make, especially when it came to relationships. I would constantly seek affirmation and attention from men (mostly the emotionally unavailable kind)… This was a very painful time in my life where I allowed people to treat me like dirt. I allowed people to use and manipulate me. But God changed all that.
I embarked on a journey with Christ that allowed for my broken places to be healed. I stopped feeling the need to over-compensate because I was no longer the lesser.
In my head relationships were now a beautiful opportunity for people to come together and give of themselves and be enriched not only by the gift of giving but also that of receiving love.
My worth was no longer determined by all that I could do for a person. No. Infact, I learnt that my worth had been decided on the cross. When Jesus Christ died he solidified my worth in eternity. I am worthy of love, of great things. I am to never question my worth. I should only ask myself…How can I use my worthy self to make a difference in the lives of other worthy people?