Reconciling “whiteness”

Being “white” and disgruntled about the current South African government has become an act of futility.

Actually I realise more and more that it’s a growing act of racism…The very systems that kept the government of the oppressors going are the systems at play now. The only difference is that the systems no longer work for you. Now your skin colour seems more like a liability… But instead of deeply interrogating the depths of the suffering and psychological mayhem that your collective comfort and privilege created; you have become cyber activists that still haven’t exchanged “whiteness” for being, present amd justice seeking citizens. And your laziness in this regard has begun to erode the quality of your life.

It’s not the government you have a problem with. It’s the skin colour of the people who run it that has become the glaring issue.

But maybe that’s because you expected that we would have changed by now. That we would have healed and forgotten. You have put so much pressure on time… but 21 years is not enough time for the expected healing on the part of broken families in South Africa. In 21 years how much of your whiteness have you readily given up for someone else’s healing?

Are you even asking yourself these sorts of questions?

Have you considered; that change lies dormant in your community?

This post is not about blame. It’s
about being accountable more than it is about being sorry. Pity never changed a situation for the better, its never empowered people or levelled the playing field. Being sorry and complacent will only keep our country here.

One day when you take the time to change the status quo and oppressive systems that created and continue to fuel your privilege; then and only then will your disgruntled reactions mean anything in the greater scheme of this countries collective suffering.

Only when you can decide from your many forums, with your many degrees that you want to spend time finding inclusive solutions instead of complaining compulsively; only then will your voices not be drowned out by the wailing mothers who are yet to experience freedom for their broken children.

Don’t tell me that you are worried about crime; when generations of people with skin darker than yours lived in abject poverty whilst institutionalised violence and terror instilled a generational fear that still cannot be broken by the “emancipation” that has come with democracy.

South Africa has always had a grim reaper knocking down people’s doors at night. Violence and violation isn’t new for a larger number of citizens in this country. When you can learn to pray down the walls of fear that still consume your black neighbour only then will you begin to understand what terror can actually look like outside of the high walls of privilege.

If you cannot reconcile the fact that your lack of action is synonymous with the state of our nation as it stands then you’re not an honest South African.

Reconciliation will only come with justice. However; for justice to be achieved complacency needs to stop. And the bubble of whiteness needs to be popped.

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Crippled by fear

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Feeling so crippled by fear right now… I don’t even know why and of what… Failure? Rejection? Mediocrity? Yes, no, maybe?

You know… I have never shared the  url to my blog with my friends because I’ve waiting to write something refreshing, something fiercely original, or just very moving. I have always thought that I had insanely profound things to share.

As an orator I have moments where I’m so chuffed with the levels of depth and insight that I can share… As a writer… not so much. Totally sucks.
Though I remember that the blog was meant to be a vlog. I really haven’t been moved to record anything ‘profound’ or even ‘exciting’. Its like all my great moments come in or during conversations. Especially those deeply personal and confidential ones. The kind that shouldn’t be aired. #cries

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Courtesy of: http://www.strongerthanespresso.com/2013/02/it-was-so-clear-so-profound-discovery-of-the-cycle-of-fear-self-doubt-and-isolation/

It feels like I’m trapped…But I’m doing it to myself. I’m holding back. At the expense of my creative expression. Oh Lord please help.

As I surrender…