“Every interaction we have with our children is a reflection of our own relationship with ourselves.”
The past few weeks have been the most challenging weeks of my parenting journey. Reading this quote finally shone the light on why. The past few days have also been challenging in my own personal journey, and instead of processing, I chose to be hard on myself.
In retrospect, how I chose to treat Leruo (my son) has been reflective of that. I was always impatient, carried loads of resentment and blamed the terrible 5’s for his “behaviour”, so I got tougher and rather stringent on all forms of discipline and I constantly wanted to make him feel guilty for every step he made out of line. I was treating him like I was treating myself. But he is not 27 with tainted experiences, a thick skin and unnecessary baggage.
When I felt like a burden. I treated him like one too…oh my goodness.
I sat and I wondered; how had he been processing all of the muddy feelings that I was dumping on his 5 year old shoulders?
Though I desire to give an answer, the truth is, I still don’t know. He seems to still be my innocent, loving, playful son.
It’s sad to think that how I feel about myself mirrors how I treat my child, but it’s reassuring to know that his love goes beyond the flawed, cracked mirror of my ever evolving self image.