As I child, I suffered a great deal from depression. My self esteem kept plummeting over the years. I didn’t feel worthy of people’s love and I would over-compensate so that they could stay in my life.
I did however have a relationship that I held in high regard and that was my relationship with my father. He was my hero. As a teen however, I met another side of my father that crushed my self esteem even more. I wondered constantly if I would ever be worthy of love.
This question spoke deeply in the decisions that I would make, especially when it came to relationships. I would constantly seek affirmation and attention from men (mostly the emotionally unavailable kind)… This was a very painful time in my life where I allowed people to treat me like dirt. I allowed people to use and manipulate me. But God changed all that.
I embarked on a journey with Christ that allowed for my broken places to be healed. I stopped feeling the need to over-compensate because I was no longer the lesser.
In my head relationships were now a beautiful opportunity for people to come together and give of themselves and be enriched not only by the gift of giving but also that of receiving love.
My worth was no longer determined by all that I could do for a person. No. Infact, I learnt that my worth had been decided on the cross. When Jesus Christ died he solidified my worth in eternity. I am worthy of love, of great things. I am to never question my worth. I should only ask myself…How can I use my worthy self to make a difference in the lives of other worthy people?